Spnak.com

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I have a dream that I will return to blogging and receive a rapturous return from my hundreds of adoring fans. They will await my every word, they will fawn over my every drop letter and drip over my misplaced semi colons (They have to be misplaced I dunno where to use em normally).

I have given those dreams and now blog just for the need to write something down now and again and If anyone reads it then have a blast. My blog will never go away. I have too much there to get rid of it… i just don’t have that much to say anymore. Maybe that will change now that I have more time on my hands. You see dear me.. I lost my job last week. I am now unemployed and for all intenets and purposes unemployable. When you can’t leave the house on your own it makes it a bit difficult to do a days work. I am pretty sure that they don’t allow you to bring your mum to work every day to keep the nasty people from looking at me and talking about me.

Am I downhearted?…. Nah. I knew it was coming I was just suprised it took em so long to do it. The kill was done swiftly enough… about Four weeks from start to finish and that included going to see a works doctor in the middle. If i was looking for another job about now I would be sweating it, but given my health issues work isn’t really a priority at the moment. Getting to a place where i can leave the house unaccompanied is what is on my mind at the moment.

I know I said I wasn’t going to be writing about my Bipolar on here any more but it seemed like the right thing to do and I am not really talking about it it’s just in the background as it always is. I have come to the realisation that no matter what I do I have to take into account the hallucinations, the voices and the paranoia first and then get into the right headspace to do what ever it was I needed to get done in the first place. Some would say it would just be as easy to not do anything and just be strange for the rest of my life…. hey it’s an option I have considered.. but I can’t afford the Tin foil for the hat and windows just yet, but I have a savings plan for it and my design for the tin foil hat is coming along nicely.

I have had an Elvis evening. I downloaded a 10 cd japanese boxset and have just gotten around to listening to some of the tracks of it. It’s the complete singles collection so It has all his well known stuff and stuff that I dug from growing up in a family full of Elvis fans. Looking back to my childhood, Elvis was everywhere. My Uncle Barry did an oil painting that hung on our living room wall for as long as I can care to remember. It was like those pictures of the Mother Mary Catholics have on thier walls, I almost prayed to that damn picture. When I was 7 or 8 I went away on a school camp and we had a talent night, and everyone had to do something … I did my Elvis impression… the kids didn’t get it but the Teachers dug my gyrating hips and snarl. They either got it or they were laughing at me for being a dork… in my present state of mind i think it was the latter HAHAHAHA.

Well that’s it from me for one night.

Until Next Time…

A snapshot of my mind

It’s been a tough few weeks for me but I won’t be commenting on my bipolar much here anymore. I have started a new blog just for my Bipolar ranting. If anyone is interested just drop me a comment and make sure you include your email address and i’ll send you the link.

Here’s to the fun times returning to spnak soon.

Until Next Time…

There have been a few subtle changes and additions around here over the past few days. The one I like the most is the Twitter box over on the right hand side of the screen your now looking at. Twitter is a neat way to pass some time. Go here to find out more.

If you look up at the yellow bar under the header you’ll see two new links. one is pictures which says on the tin what it is on the inside. if your using IE7 or Firefox 2.x then if you hover over the box you’ll find a little drop down menu… each box in the drop down leads to a new page. If your using IE6 or less then you may be out of luck, as my blog is not pretty in IE6 (I know I tried it at work).

The other new link up there is a candid look at my bipolar life. I wrote it as a free form thing. It has structure of sorts but there is not real editing in there, so if you see any typos or English errors…. sorry bout that I’ll try harder next time.

That’s the blog news and now about me (oh selfish one that I am)

I am having a hard time keeping my shit together at the moment. Major Paranoia happening. The Psych has me on to new medications amiprozole for the paranoia and lorazapam for the anxiety caused by the paranoia. I have to get back in touch with him next Thursday. I am taking things one day at a time.  don’t know about work, all i know is that I have Pink Floyd playing as i write this and it’s calming my down a little more that the Lorazapam. I think I am going to cook dinner today and do it early… i am boredof eating dinner at 9pm+

That’s it from me this time.. see three posts in one month so far… you lucky lucky people

Until Next Time…

For the second Saturday in a row I am working 8am-12noon. Not a massive shift but it’s a slow shift. Last week I ended up playing the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy game on the BBC website.. this week I blog..muhahahaha.

It’s not that I am bored, but rather trying to avoid boredom. If I set out to do something on these quieter shifts i feel like I have accomplished something.
My life has to be about goals at the moment. I need things to work towards to help me get from day to day and to fight of the next impending depression.

I wish I was a good Manic Depressive that can sense when his attacks are coming, but I can’t… not yet at least. My next session with the shrinks is going to involve working out a trigger list (there was an official name for it but i don’t remember this early in the morning). Jayne (my lovely mental health support worker)has been a real help in getting me this far and making time for me when my life wasn’t working the way I wanted it. Some people say bad things about the NHS but I have nothing but praise for everyone I have had dealings with.

If anyone actually reads this then you may notice a slight change in style of my writing.. I am trying out a new plain talk no bullshit approach. There may be the odd fluffy expressive moment when I can drag my creativity out of retirement (not of choice)

Basically it’s time to get vocal and basic again. Watch This Space I will be back.

Until Next Time

Anywho I got home last night and told family mentioned a couple of posts ago that I had posted to here and that they should go read it… they did and I got back one comment from an unnamed source that I should have a point to my posts (new blogger doing it right) and I replied.. I think that Going back to America was a big enough point for any post. It wasn’t until i came back and re-read the article today that I realised that I hadn’t mentioned where we were flying to.
For those still unsure

So here is the grand plan of things. Mandy and Dave have kindly offered to buy Linda and I tickets to fly back for a week to see everyone after tax time. What a christmas present eh?

So Here I am writing a blog entry whilst waiting for my first call at work and thinking that iot is now less than 14 weeks until we get to see the grandmonsters. What a buzz.
I didn’t think I would get a holiday this year or next to be honest but I should know never say never.

It’s going to be a week away. A week away I feel I really need. A week away from work from my health troubles a week away from Corby (which in itself is more depressing than the first two put together). I plan on documenting my time away, so I may blog more in the lead up to try and get a wider audience and more practice at writing in detail.

Still sat here at work and I am taking a few calls but nothing out of the ordinary, I am sure someone is gonna rumble my unauthorised usage of the works computers…lol.. rebel that I am.

It’s amazing how one good thing happening can change the way I feel about a lot more inane stuff. One holiday equals better tasting tea from the coffee machine (?) Overtime being easier to handle than it would otherwise (due to having to do it so I can take aforementioned holiday).

Oh well

Until Next Time…

It seems that I may have inspired a whole new legion of bloggers…lol. No not the new wave of bloggers, but my family. It started with my wife who blogs when she has the time. My brother has taken up the hobby (and bloody good he is too). And now it seems that my mum maybe getting in on the act.

4 bloggers in one family… could this be a record?

Not much else been going on really. I am still fighting with the old depression and I seem to be on to a hiding for nothing at times. One day I can be up the top of the world the next day I can be scratching sking off my arms and ready to take the long walk.. I guess the mood stabalizing drugs aren’t working as well as they should be anymore.

As I sit and write this i realise how much I have missed writing and posting for my blog. I am not gonna make empty promises of keeping up with things but you never know I may be around a bit more…lol

Oh Well

Until Next Time…

I remember being a kid, looking out of the netted windows and wondering when the sun was gonna shine again. Sundays always seemed grey. Now I relish the thought of a quiet Sunday at home not having any pressure to go anywhere, no burning desire to do anything except what crosses my mind at that second.

I guess I am getting older and the need to do everything now has passed and I am content to just be.

Oh Well

Until Next Time…

No folks this isn’t late breaking news or a blog post 18 months late. It’s a
realisation i came to when reading this story on the bbc website
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3748360.stm.

Basically it states that we (the British) are being asked by the American
govenmet to infill in the north of Iraq so the Americans can go finish the
job in Jalapeno or Falujahh… wherever it is that there is a problem.
Sounds like a coalition type thing to do.

Like it or not we went to war against the regime in Iraq, I am not overly
pleased by it in hindsight but we did the deed and now we have to finish the job off. When the pansy’s who are just wannabe’s realise that a job needs to be done the better.

Oh well

Until Next Time…