Spnak.com

There have been a few subtle changes and additions around here over the past few days. The one I like the most is the Twitter box over on the right hand side of the screen your now looking at. Twitter is a neat way to pass some time. Go here to find out more.

If you look up at the yellow bar under the header you’ll see two new links. one is pictures which says on the tin what it is on the inside. if your using IE7 or Firefox 2.x then if you hover over the box you’ll find a little drop down menu… each box in the drop down leads to a new page. If your using IE6 or less then you may be out of luck, as my blog is not pretty in IE6 (I know I tried it at work).

The other new link up there is a candid look at my bipolar life. I wrote it as a free form thing. It has structure of sorts but there is not real editing in there, so if you see any typos or English errors…. sorry bout that I’ll try harder next time.

That’s the blog news and now about me (oh selfish one that I am)

I am having a hard time keeping my shit together at the moment. Major Paranoia happening. The Psych has me on to new medications amiprozole for the paranoia and lorazapam for the anxiety caused by the paranoia. I have to get back in touch with him next Thursday. I am taking things one day at a time.  don’t know about work, all i know is that I have Pink Floyd playing as i write this and it’s calming my down a little more that the Lorazapam. I think I am going to cook dinner today and do it early… i am boredof eating dinner at 9pm+

That’s it from me this time.. see three posts in one month so far… you lucky lucky people

Until Next Time…

Today is just another day. At least that’s my rationalization of it all.

I have been off work for 3 weeks. I have posted maybe once or twice in that time, but in general I have been a zombie for pretty much all of that time. Your probably not asking yourself “why you been off?” But I am gone tell you anyway, my way of coming clean with the world. Pretty much by Monday everyone I come into contact with is gonna know if they don’t already.

I guess you could say, I had a breakdown. I wasn’t handling life too well. I got to a stage where I was hearing voices and shaking uncontrollably. I cut myself in what can only be deemed a subliminal cry for help, I don’t actually remember cutting just it dawning on me that there was blood on the desk and my hand stung like a motherfucker.

I saw the mental health support worker and I got put on some heavy duty drugs to help me out and all they really did was put me to sleep for two and a half weeks.

Fast forward through lots of sleeping and lots of soul searching conversations (with myself and with Linda) and we come to my last day of my “Holiday in Insanity”. I am going back to work Monday, and as many people have asked “Are you ready”, I’ll be damned if I know for sure, but we’ll find out Monday at 8pm, by which time it will be too late to change anything anyway.

I am still on the heavy duty drugs so I still have to be a bit careful how I approach life, and not try and stretch myself to far to quick, but I’ll beat this shit and it won’t kill me.

Oh Well

Until Next Time…